I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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