We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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