the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
