just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
