I wish my penis had an off switch
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
