she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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