Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
