Duck Duck Cougar?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
