She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
