Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
