this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
