so that wasnt chicken after all
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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