I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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