The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
