this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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