I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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