forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
