dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
