When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
