She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
