What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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