Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
