I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
