hell yes lets make some ravioli
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
