Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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