okay pat passed out under dana's car
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
