Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
