if only i could text you this smell
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
