She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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