And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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