Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
