Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
