she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
