He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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