Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
