ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
