I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
