can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
