Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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