So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
