It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
