I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
