three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
