Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
