$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
