remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
