The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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