Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
