in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
