We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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