yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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