shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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