Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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