Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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